Bismillahi Rahman Nirohim.
To my baby panda, Megat Mukhreez.
I am not sure where to begin, I have known you my whole life and you have impacted it in ways you will never understand. A thank you isn’t enough for me to say to you because of the lessons you’ve taught me. Before you came into my life, I couldn’t have imagined the gift of your life being so impactful to mine. You’ve given me an outlook on life that is positive in all areas.
Just everyday life can be challenging for you and at times it has been so over whelming for me just to watch. Your struggles make me want to fight them for you. I wish I could take them away from you, since you don’t deserve them.
Kakak learned about bullies at a very young age. I remember back in our younger days when we were at the swimming pool. Other kids kept staring at you, whispering as they saw you behaved strangely, you loved to throw other people’s belonging into the pool, you were loud & naughty. Nonetheless, we believed you deserved to swim and enjoy playing in the water just as much as anyone else. We sent you for a private swimming lessons. I remember how you love being in the water, All I could hear was you laughing, but I could also very clearly see that others were making fun of you, splashed water and threw things at you.
My heart aches at times, mukhreez. I have cried in silence. I want to fix everything to protect you from pain. The pain of the intolerance of others, from bullying, from your struggles just to ‘cope’ with everyday living. But I swear, I don't blame their children for making fun or staring at you and your behavior. I also do appreciate the parents attempt to get their children not to. As I grew older, I would learn to ignore the bullies and encourage people to ask questions instead, or without them asking, I would tell them about you, about why you are different, about your diagnosis, in order to spread awareness just to ensure families like us dealing with this on a daily basis are not isolated & ostracize.
Kakak learned about patience at the age of 7, when I had to sit and wait for you during your countless therapy session. There were speech therapy, occupational therapy, sensory therapy etc etc. I would sit in on your sessions with the therapist and play with you. I didn’t understand really what it meant at the time because I was only seven. No matter what the doctors or the therapist said you had, I didn’t see you any different, you were my baby brother and to me you were the most perfect baby brother I could ever have, and I knew that I was going to protect you, forever.
Sacrifice is something else that really comes along with having you. I grew up thinking of all the fun things I wanted to do, but often times, I had to stay home with you. But I don’t mind at all, because I know that you needed me more than I wanted to experience the little things that I wouldn’t even remember the next day. Even now, as I’m slowly reaching thirty… I still put your needs before anything else. Do you know that they have been questioning me, when will I get married? What will happen to you if I get married? Have I ever go out for a date since you are super attached to me? Eh, Mukhreez, should I tell them that I bring you along on my dates as well? They should know that we come as a combo set. You get two for the price of one lol, Jokes aside, You are my ‘keutamaan’ Mukhreez, I will never turn my back on you. Your future is mine, because you are my life, and that’s the only explanation they need.
I have learned so many things from you, Mukhreez. Far more than I could ever teach you. You have taught me how to love in a different way. In a way, that is purer than what I would feel for anyone else. I have learned to love you and your special friends because of what you have, not because I feel bad for what you don't have.
You and your special friends have such a joy that seeps out of you adorable people every day. You and your friends are some of the happiest people I know and being around all of you is a breath of fresh air. Your definition of love may be different than mine, but it is not any less pure. It is not any less meaningful.
You taught me that not everyone is the same and that Allah has created us to be unique. You taught me not to judge others because you don't always know the entire story. You taught me to never have to fit into society's mold... and to find joy in the simplest things. True, Life never has to be as complicated as we make it.
"Iyaa kakak tau yang Mukhreez tu Autistic. But it does not make you any less different. Yes you have behaviors that seem strange but that does not make you strange. Yes you have Autism, but that doesn't define you as a person. I think being raised around you has made our family the people they are today. We look at people and we do not judge, because we understand that not everybody is the same. We look at Special Needs people and we do not see them as less than, we see them as people. We learned people are more than what they are diagnosed with. Being raised around you we learned unconditional love, and we learned the uniqueness in the world. And we learned how to stand up for people who cannot stand up for themselves. We learned a lot of things. And I don't think any of us would change it because of than the lessons we have learned being raised around an Autistic.
I worry about you everyday, Mukhreez. Hoping the people you encounter everyday will treat you with dignity and respect. I hope they see how truly lovely you are because your soul is so pure and bright.
You have truly shown me what it is like to have a different kind of love that lasts a lifetime. Kasih sayang yang tiada akhirnya.
I pray the world shows you nothing but kindness, my love.
Kakak loves you very much, Happy 24th my baby panda ️
Let's pray that we both dapat hidup bersama seribu tahun lagi & jika diizinkan-Nya supaya kita bisa ditemukan semula di syurga, insyaAllah.
For longer than forever,
Kakak Fara ️
|Kakak Fara and Mukhreez|